AmishOnLine

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Blog Posts Across AmishOnLine

jcorn Toilets for Too or Procrastination as a Warm-up for Writing Another C4C

After doing a certain amount of writing for pay, THIS writer tends to feel contrary. Something builds up inside of me and I just have the urge to purge or throw something out there that is a bit off the wall (also known as "Random Writing that There is no chance in Hell They Will Pay For but I Feel Compelled to Write Before I can Write the Stuff they Will Pay For... Because I have a C4C to Prove it). So I wrote the light, bantering piece and it got quite a response. Here it is:… Continue

Posted by jcorn on May 18, 2008 at 11:30pm — 6 Comments

Will Wright Starbucks Level of Pretentiousness Declines for Third Straight Quarter

Click HERE to read the coffee giant's plans to make your next visit to Starbucks the most pretentious one yet. Continue

Posted by Will Wright on May 6, 2008 at 9:05pm — No Comments

E Miraculous Kinoki body detox patches

Bet you never suspected a holistic detoxifying pad could cure you of all this. Continue

Posted by E on May 4, 2008 at 5:56pm — No Comments

E Just another reason to promote death

Read how I propose to save Social Security, cut Federal spending by $400 billion dollars a year, & make everyone happy here. Continue

Posted by E on April 16, 2008 at 1:01am — 2 Comments

Jean Riva Say Something Funny!

I'm bored. Say something funny. Make me laugh and win a prize. What? I'd give you a cookie but on the internet not everyone likes getting cookies. I'd give you a hug but virtual hugs suck next to the real thing. So---oh, hell---just make me laugh for the sake of doing a friend a favor. Tell me a joke and I'll start by telling you one from my world.... This guy was in a bar and decided he'd better go home. He fell off the stool, crawled up into a standing position only to fall again. Damn,… Continue

Posted by Jean Riva on March 15, 2008 at 9:30am — 8 Comments

Chris M.C. Alien Creature on my Lawn

A true story--happened today. Alien creature on the lawn what the-- my god... spindly legs, several, flattened head muddied dropped from a spacecraft during the night maybe dare I poke it with a stick I dare squishy I reel back in disgust what the--? oh. a child's toy. Continue

Posted by Chris M.C. on March 11, 2008 at 11:51am — 2 Comments

Jean Riva Fainting Goats

Remember the round-robin story I started a few blog entries ago? (Code: Moo) Someone in that story changed the plot to include fainting goats. I thought, because this is a humor site, that Thomas was making that up about goats that faint when you look at them. I was wrong. LOL fainting goats video Continue

Posted by Jean Riva on March 9, 2008 at 9:30pm — 2 Comments

theBarefoot Don't Die

I heard this on NPR this morning. Seems the Mayor of a town in France issued a decree that anyone who does not already own a plot in the near-full cemetery is forbidden to die in his town. Penalties will be sever for those breaking this ban. I wonder just how much more of penalty you can impose on a corpse. Continue

Posted by theBarefoot on March 7, 2008 at 6:50pm — 3 Comments

theBarefoot AWOL

Okay. Okay. I went AWOL for a few days. Thanks for all the cards and letters, you rat bastards. Sometimes I truly work for a living. I had a meeting in D.C. The preparation was killer. I also have been fighting foo for the last two weeks, hence the meeting in D.C. At least the weather was pleasant. Sorry for the absence. Let's giggle like school girls about the 6 shots of tequila that amazed my traveling companions. What a bunch of pansies. 6? Why stop there? Continue

Posted by theBarefoot on March 4, 2008 at 9:03pm — 4 Comments

Pam Ginger Kids

What the heck? International Ginger Kids Foundation website

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Posted by Pam on February 29, 2008 at 6:43am — 2 Comments

Jean Riva Now I've Seen Everything

My dog has his own blog now and he's spilling all the family secrets... The Cooper Chronicles Continue

Posted by Jean Riva on February 21, 2008 at 10:30am — 6 Comments

Pam Urban Legend and Green M & Ms: Chocolate Aphrodisiac

Mars Snackfood recently came out with an all-green 14 ounce bag of milk chocolate M & Ms. There is much speculation online about the real meaning of the green-only M & M bag. Is it for the environment? Did they run out of red and pink? Is it to promote organ donation? For the true meaning behind the all-green bag of… Continue

Posted by Pam on February 14, 2008 at 9:33am — 2 Comments

Pam Advice from Eddy Murphy

Recently I saw an episode of The Actor's Studio with Eddie Murphy. His best advice for comedians and actors? Never take advice. Continue

Posted by Pam on February 12, 2008 at 5:18pm — 1 Comment

Chris Berry ASK THE OLD GEEZER Episode #2 Advice For And By The Senile

A couple of weeks ago I decided that the senile and mentally challenged were misunderstood and had no one to turn to for advice and to look out for their better interest. Since no one else was stepping up to t

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Posted by Chris Berry on February 10, 2008 at 3:05am — 3 Comments

Chris Berry ASK THE OLD GEEZER Episode #1 Advice Column For And By The Senile

You know folks, just about everybody needs a little help and advice nowadays including the mentally ill and senile. Normal people have Ann Landers and Dear Abby while these

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Posted by Chris Berry on February 10, 2008 at 2:51am — 3 Comments

Porter Busy Week -- Some Amusement (Cartoons) PG-14 or 17

I've been too busy and in an uncharacteristic mood to NOT laugh

but here's an effort to help my fellow wo(man). Hope to be

out of my rut by week's end.

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Posted by Porter on February 7, 2008 at 11:45pm — 19 Comments

Chris M.C. Annoyed Blog Post Rant

Begin rant:

Can No One in the state of Kansas make a decent Marguerita? I just came back from dinner--a friend's birthday-- and we went to yet another restaurant where they served me a crappy marguerita. 22 oz. and I feel nothing! I don't drink frequently, so it can't be that I have built up tolerance. I am tired of Kool-Aid posing as a marguerita. I should have ordered the crappy wine. I didn't order it because...well it was crappy wine. It would have been better than the margueri…

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Posted by Chris M.C. on February 6, 2008 at 8:40pm — 18 Comments

Kelly Kelly is a keyword

I noticed that the google ads on the side of the screen when I got to "My Page" have Kelly in them. There's an ad for R. Kelly and 2 for Lelli Kelli. I also have an ad that tells me I have a secret crush and another offering me dirty cell phone jokes that warns I'll be a loser if I don't have them. I'm not sure if these are jokes about cell phones or jokes I can get on my cell phone. I also don't know what dirty cell phone jokes have to do with Kelly.

When you go to your "My Page" what… Continue

Posted by Kelly on February 4, 2008 at 10:27pm — 9 Comments

Chris M.C. Random Blog Post for no good reason

This blog post is brought to you by Chris M's tired right brain. Donations will be accepted from 7--10 at St. Munger of The blessed persons of interest cathedral. For English press one. Continue

Posted by Chris M.C. on February 4, 2008 at 8:18pm — 9 Comments

Jean Riva CODE: Moo

The Federal Witness Protection Program has been known to place people on Amish farms for safe keeping. They blend the outsiders in by dressing them in simple black clothing, having them grow beards, and tend to the cows. It's been recently discovered that the founding father of AmishOnLine, Brother Randy, is one of them. He's a man on the run. A man hiding out because...

(Would anyone here care to add the next few sentences in the comment section then pass the pen on to another member,… Continue

Posted by Jean Riva on February 3, 2008 at 9:51am — 12 Comments

Jean Riva I Just Have to Know.....

.
Can someone explain to me why I have to wash behind my ears? No one has looked back there is 55 years. Not since my dad used to pull quarters out from back there.
.
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Posted by Jean Riva on February 1, 2008 at 10:05pm — 9 Comments

Porter How to Get Even on AC and In Virtual Life

Yes, those are flies buzzing around.

When you feel l

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Posted by Porter on January 31, 2008 at 11:47pm — 10 Comments

Kelly You wanna hear something funny?

I was relating this story to my husband last night and I was cracking up so hard I could hardly get the words out.

When I was about 11 years old my mother, brother and I went to the local Thrifty store for an ice cream cone. We got into the car to leave with me in the backseat and my brother in the front passenger seat. Back in those days seatbelts weren't mandatory and my brother had a habit of sitting with his back up against the door. We had an old, red '78 two door Dodge Aspen my mo… Continue

Posted by Kelly on January 31, 2008 at 9:23pm — 8 Comments

Jean Riva test driving this little bugger blog out.....

Where, oh, where will it appear on this site? Only the shadow and Randy really knows.
Continue

Posted by Jean Riva on January 31, 2008 at 6:31pm — 1 Comment

E Expressing contempt for contemptible expressions

My futile war on stupid sayings and annoying phrases has begun here.

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Posted by E on January 31, 2008 at 6:13pm — 6 Comments

Chris Berry Life, Love & Brett Michaels

You know, I get myself into more trouble just trying to stay out of trouble if you know what I mean. I don’t have to be doing anything for situations to pop up that I don’t believe happen to the rest of the m

Continue

Posted by Chris Berry on January 29, 2008 at 10:49pm — 5 Comments

Random Esquire Do Men Like Whores?


Someone has found my blog the last three days by doing a google search for "Do men like whores?" My first instinct was to wonder if this person thought that the answer was hidden on the web someplace and then I thought of their disappointment upon discovering that no, it probably was not. I am here to rectify that - to the best of my ability. I'll assume that we're referring to the run-of-the-mill whore, not an actual prostitute. The girl with some issues, not with track marks. On to it:…

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Posted by Random Esquire on January 27, 2008 at 11:20am — 2 Comments

Porter What is This? Funny or Stupid

What is This?

What is This? It's a Hill-billy

It's a Hill-Billy!

Continue

Posted by Porter on January 24, 2008 at 7:39pm — 9 Comments

Will Wright Evil Genius Institute Now Enrolling

Are you misunderstood? Stuck in a dead-end job? Does the scientific community dismiss your brilliant theories as "ludicrous" or "hair-brained"? You are not alone.

Click HERE to learn more.

Continue

Posted by Will Wright on January 22, 2008 at 8:06pm — 5 Comments

E tic tac crack

Orange tic tacs recently entered my life, with profound consequence: a breath mint habit akin to crack addiction. Hyperbole? Perhaps. But I pass on this tale of tasty woe with the hope that others may recognize in themselves the potential monster before it's too late. This is the story of orange tic tacs and the breath mint beast which they unleashed.

The entire depraved tale is here

Continue

Posted by E on January 21, 2008 at 10:59pm — No Comments

E So what the hell are Dr Pepper's 23 flavors, anyway?

I decided to attempt to unlock the mysteries of Dr Pepper's 23 flavors. To me, this 23 flavors business amounts to nothing less than a taunt, a dare, a worthy Dr Pepper challenge.

The adventure's documented here

Continue

Posted by E on January 21, 2008 at 10:57pm — No Comments

E Vodka, wonder-beverage!

Vodka can do far more than just get guzzled down your gullet. When it's not boosting a celebration in any of its dazzlingly delicious derivatives or darkening out the pain of a failed life, here are seven other practical uses for vodka...

See them here

Continue

Posted by E on January 21, 2008 at 10:56pm — 1 Comment

theBarefoot Comedy Trivia

The "More Cowbell" sketch was cut from SNL during dress rehearsal. The thing that change everyone's mind is when Will Ferrell made a wardrobe change to the now famous "too small" shirt which kept creeping up with every movement. This just proves, comedy is subjective and the strangest thing can make all the difference between funny and not.
Continue

Posted by theBarefoot on January 21, 2008 at 2:06pm — 1 Comment

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